Stop The Victim Mindset

Today, I feel really annoyed. But, I’ve been taught to always write with love and concern, not out of anger. So here I go. Society sucks but you already know that. I wake up every morning and I try to avoid unnecessary controversies and negativity flying around the internet. I can’t leave the internet because it’s my second home. I live and work here. But some days are better than others.

Recently, a lot of articles and social media drama have managed to infiltrate my happy bubble. I am not running away from anything or anyone but I learned something new. For anything you read, watch or listen to, you don’t need to agree but it subconsciously influences you. This is why I guard my heart like my life depends on it, because it does.

What is the victim mindset? Here’s a copy and paste version.

If you have a victim mentality, you will see your entire life through a perspective that things constantly happen ‘to’ you. Victimization is thus a combination of seeing most things in life as negative, beyond your control, and as something you should be given sympathy for experiencing as you ‘deserve’ better. At its heart, a victim mentality is actually a way to avoid taking any responsibility for yourself or your life. By believing you have no power then you don’t have to take action. 

Source: Harley therapy

I feel like we’ve tweaked this mentality and made it suit us. This generation with the help of our society has made the victim mindset help us reach for ‘entitlement’. At this point, I’d like to point out something:

Society can only help make your life easier. Society cannot fix you.

We really need to stop putting famous people on pedestals and when they fail us, we complain. You can and may be hurt by people. People will treat you wrongly. They will not give you what rightfully belongs to you because the world is corrupt. It is not an excuse to blame all the hurt you feel on them. They may have had a part to play but you let them get to you. I recently watched a deaf girl on AGT sing. She has an amazing voice but she’s deaf. A deaf guy won ANTM at some point. It just means you can do anything.

I grew up in Nigeria. That’s just code for ‘I grew up tough’. This generation is growing up too soft. They can’t even face little obstacles in their paths. I can whine all day about how life is hard for me but I choose not to. Some days, I do, because we all deserve our five minutes. Once I’m done, I move on. I try new things. I fail some more. I get rejected a few thousand times again but I dust my bum and I get up. Nowadays, people feel like every complaint should be a movement. It’s not necessary.


Take for example, I’m about 5ft 10 and I can almost never find a maxi gown in shops that is actually maxi. Trousers hardly reach where they’re supposed to. Let’s not even start with shoes. I have wide and long feet, about 11 inches long. My size is hard to find and when I do find them, they’re in ugly designs. I just move on. There’s a better way to complain about things that are not in place. I wouldn’t blame my lack of footwear on my poor performance in school. Even though I know that whenever I wake up I get a mini heart attack because my last pair is worn out and only one-fifths of my wardrobe matches that pair. You see my drift.

Can we just stop blaming society and little things for causing our problems. The little things do add up but it’s important to make sure they don’t. Isolate issues and deal with them individually. If you link everything up, it becomes this huge problem that seems impossible to solve. Just because two things happened simultaneously, doesn’t mean one happened as a result of the other.

You’re not weak for expressing your vulnerability. You’re weak for refusing to work through it.

Grief, pain, hurt, struggles, difficulties and obstacles are all part of living. They come and go. It’s normal to experience and you’re not the only one. It’s okay to express them, especially when it becomes too hard to bear. It is not okay to remain in a helpless situation even when help is offered to you. More importantly, it is not right to just ‘expect’ that help will come even thought it should.

You should be the architect of your own life. Help from others should be secondary. Rely on yourself. If you find others trustworthy enough to rely on, then do. If you don’t, become a reliable person so you can make someone else’s life easier.

You may be a victim at some point in your life but DO NOT let it become your life.



3 thoughts on “Stop The Victim Mindset

  1. Well said!

    I’ve just launched a blog providing information on avoiding disabilities in children. I’m a pediatric occupational therapist. When I started I expected babies with cerebral palsy or Down’s syndrome, but most of my caseload is kids who have parents who won’t give boundaries, play with their kids, or do anything if baby fusses. Incredibly frustrating to see so many kids suffering bc their parents think they are victims of disability or a “strong willed child”. These disabilities are 100% preventable if people will stop waiting for someone else to parent their children. Victimization limits intentional living and relationship.

    This is such an important post because we do have too much of this entitlement that crippled people from finding joy in making it through the hard stuff.

    Thanks for putting it into words!


    1. Thank you. I love the ‘strong willed’ child part. Kids will be kids, that’s why they have adults to direct them. I just hope that parents realize this. No matter how sweet a parent is, the world out there is brutal and they won’t be there forever.
      Thank you so much for reading. I’m so excited you took the time to type out this comment. Have a lovely weekend!


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