What Is Confidence To You?

There are lots of definitions of  ‘confidence’ nowadays. I scrolled through a thread on Quora and I loved the responses I saw. Each person had a unique view on the concept. The most interesting response I read was on Yahoo answers. The answer was from three years ago and they broke it down into the most amazing concept. Whoever that person is, they literally wrote this post for me and I have them to thank for it.

Here:

Well this is a simple question. When you were younger lets say the
youngest point in your life that you can remember how confident were you?
Now you might say ‘oh well I was as confident as I ever was’ but what were
you confident in? I know for sure that you weren’t confident in algebra, in
touching hot water, staying home alone.. In-fact I’m pretty sure you were not
that confident in things you now find easy. Why is this? Well there are different
types of confidence. Many in-fact but here are the main ones:

Physical confidence
(i,e sports, playing instruments,day-to-day tasks) Just knowing what you
can and cannot physically do. Although much of this is mental for example savants
who can play the piano without practise. I’m labelling it as physical confidence
because it’s the confidence you place in what you can and cannot do physically.
Physical confidence comes from either understanding the task before hand like
savants do which is quite difficult. Or by practising an individual tasks until
your brain understands the tasks and you become confident in it.

Social confidence
(your ability to socialize confidently, take part in conversations, being your self
regardless of what you think society would think,) Understanding your part in society
and overcoming both the irrational and rational fears you have. Or ignoring the
negative responses you might get from society and just being arrogant people who
do this usually give up or receive a reality check which plunges them into depression.
Although some people benefit from being arrogant as it gives them the space and
confidence they need to develop their own personalities. Or by lying to yourself
and acting as if you don’t care about what society thinks, although most of the time
people who do this usually begin get fed up of having to fake confidence and stop
which also plunges them into depression.
Either way Social confidence is nearly 100% mental and people who are Socially confident
just have a different window of perception it has nothing to do with what they are
physically capable of but how they choose to perceive social incidences.

Mental confidence
(confidence in your thoughts, your analytical skills, your sense of logic)
Understanding your own mental abilities by comparing them to others around you. For example comparing how fast you can think in comparison to your friends and just knowing you’re smarter than others. Or by basing your mental confidence on your past accomplishments such as being smartest in all of your classes, winning a spelling bee. Or by just knowing what you can potentially do and basing your mental confidence on your mental potential (which is a lot).

Emotional confidence
(being emotionally secure, willing to take emotional risks, not fearing rejection)
Understanding your own emotions and overcoming the irrational fears such as rejection.
Again this all mental although spiritualists believe that all emotions come from the heart
and that to overcome emotions we need to reflect and understand them I do believe this to be true to an extent. I don’t believe emotions come from our heart*. But I do believe to understand them takes a bit of self-reflection once we have understood our own emotions, we can easily get rid of all the irrational fears behind them making us emotionally confident.

Personal confidence
(your personality, your appearance, sense of humor)
To be confident in who you are it helps to like who you are in the first place if you
don’t like yourself as a person then it is quite hard to be consistently confident in who you are. Confidence in who you are also usually comes from others (which is the category after this) because most of us have to rely on others to indicate how acceptable we are as people.

When we look in the mirror only a minority of us are comfortable in how we look and are confident in our appearance. Personal appearance is a much more complex form of confidence because it comes from others, ourself and the media unlike all the other forms of confidence. But still even if you have in confidence
in your appearance you still have the potential to be confident in other ways.

Confidence we gain through others (physical, social, mental, emotional, personal)
I would say around 10% or even less of the confidence we possess comes from others this can be any of the main 4 types of confidence. We pick up huge amounts of confidence from others while we are young from others around us. We also pick up confidence from others throughout the day. If were amongst one of the lucky ones anyway but it doesn’t last that ling.

Some people gain no confidence from others at all but are still very self-confident. Naturally we as humans seem to seek out attention and admiration from others to build our own confidence and to assure us this doesn’t mean we need it’s just that we are naturally hard-wired to seek it out.

So confidence comes from a majority of places but mainly ourselves.
And I know I missed out a lot but hey i wrote this quick.

By Leeban Abdullahi
email me and tell me what you think l.leeban@hotmail.com

disagree

Source: Yahoo Answers  

N:B Some grammatical errors have been corrected

I think this just explains that you can have confidence in one area and lack in another.

To gain complete confidence, is to master area of life without fail.

What is confidence to you?

Featured Image source below:

Tamara Bellis

Hold On To Your Emotions

People often say emotions are weak and crying is for girls. I beg to differ. If crying was for girls only, then guys won’t be born with tear ducts. Emotions are an important part of your existence. They help you express yourself when words can’t. The facial expression, the body language and every grunt used to convey how we feel is as important as the words we speak.

A common occurrence is to see women who have become successful become less emotional and more logical. This is mostly because the industry makes them ‘toughen up’. I think emotions are important. While talking about feelings might always be a girl thing, being completely emotionless is not a human thing. It’s what we build robots for. Even then, we still try to incorporate feelings into them.

Logic cannot solve every issue. On paper and in theory, it could but real life demands real people. People like when others can connect with them and share their pain. Rather than suppress emotions, it’s always better to express them. Whether good or bad, every emotion can be expressed safely or channeled into something more productive. It is often said that emotions were born out of a need to survive. It was like our bodies’ way of rewarding and punishing us for anything we do.

Emotions play other roles in our lives. They:

  • help motivate us when we feel down.
  • help us communicate with others.
  • help others understand us.
  • help us understand others.
  • help us in decision making

Understanding your emotions is a really big part of understanding who you are. It is better to understand the emotions you feel, the triggers and the best ways to handle them. In doing so, you embrace your whole self.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Add a touch of humanity to everything you do. You’ll be grateful for the results you’ll achieve. Be free. Express yourself in healthy ways. You’ll feel much lighter and you’ll be healthier.

 

 

The Change Should Start In You

There’s a good ol’ saying that you should be the change you seek. Be the change you want to see in the world or be the person you expect others to be. It’s a fool proof saying and it couldn’t be truer. The easiest way to solve a problem is to narrow it down to its source. It’s a simple cycle. To change the world, the change has to begin with you. To change yourself, the change has to begin in you.

Every person is a complete being. There are many aspects to your existence and each aspect plays a vital role that sums up your personality and temperament. Your personality is who you are. It can be affected by genetics and environment but you are a huge part of who you want to be.

To elicit a change in a person, or rather to grow as a person, it is best to begin on the inside where it matters. Ask yourself these questions to begin:

  • Who am I?
  • What qualities do I possess?
  • What is my character like?
  • Who do I want to be?

For you to grow as an individual, there has to be a before, which you already are, and an after, where you’re headed to. With these in mind, it become easy to transit and plan out what you should do. One of the biggest issues with the youths of today is Identity Crisis.

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”
Lao Tzu

It’s the same reason people walk into relationships and then walk out. Their reason? They need to find themselves. This issue arises because we define ourselves based on people’s perception, remarks and societal standards of what our ideal should be. Your first step should be your personality type. You can learn more and even take the test here.

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”
Ramana Maharshi

Every personality has it’s strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses. No-on ever excelled by complaining about their weaknesses. Work on them till they become strengths. Sometimes, what we call ‘weaknesses’ may be the strength you’ll need one day. Where brute force failed, love prevailed. Yet love is sometimes seen as a weak emotion.

Read books. Technology has made access to everything so much easier. Find books to help you grow. Become a better individual. Saying things like ‘this is the way I am’ or ‘this is the way I was made’ will take you nowhere. Those are just excuses. It never helped anyone.

Every aspect of your being is what makes you unique. The way you speak, handle situations, the way you interact with people and the way you carry yourself. If you want to achieve anything in life, you have to grow. I always say ‘Growth takes time‘ so start yesterday. Don’t be so focused on one aspect of your life like school or college or making money that you neglect every other aspect. Be a well rounded individual. Start the change within and watch everything else change.

I hope this was useful to you. Please share with a friend.

P.S I recommend reading How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. In fact, read all his books. It’ll do you good

The Risk Taking Lifestyle

If you’ve ever watched a video about the lifestyle of successful people, one thing is sure to pop up. They take risks. The risk taking lifestyle has existed for ages. Everyone who has become successful or famous for doing something groundbreaking has had to take a risk at some point. Often called a leap of faith, it is said that entrepreneurs dive off a cliff and they build a parachute on the way down.

Sounds exhilarating, but it’s easier said than done. Even in Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, there are 6 basic fears that most people have. One of them is the fear of failure. This fear of failure is further amplified by the fear of taking risks. There’s one simple thing to always keep in mind.

Without risk, there is no reward.

Many people remain where they are today stuck in an unhappy relationship, a horrible job or even in college, studying a course they don’t want to. Why? Because they are afraid to make the jump. It’s a simple theory. You can’t eat your cake and have it. The rewards only come to those who chase it. I’ll definitely write on the subject of fear sometime later.  If you’re reading this and you’re always scared of doing things, you need a change of heart.

Like everything else it has to be intentional. It doesn’t happen in one day. People who fail to take risks often have regrets later on in life. Whenever the fear of risk taking sets in, ask yourself this:

  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • What do I stand to gain?
  • What do I stand to lose?
  • Why am I really afraid? Is it because of other people’s opinions or me?
  • How will I feel about this decision in a few years?

Often times, people abstain from taking risks because they expect too much from that one opportunity. They want it to be the one that changes their lives forever. How can you tell? Treat opportunities like they could go either way. Not “hope for the best but expect the worst”. That’s a very weird saying, because anything you expect will happen to you by the Law of Attraction.

Don’t expect failure. Work like it’s your only shot but don’t be devastated when it crashes. It was just another opportunity. It is not your destiny.

The risk taking lifestyle is one that has to be built up. For some people, slowly, and for others, they take a huge leap. Whichever works for you. Don’t remain the same fearful person you were yesterday. Take new risks everyday. If it’s uncomfortable, you’re probably doing it right. The life you want is out of your comfort zone. I took a risk and started a blog in the middle of the semester in Medical school. I didn’t have many readers and I felt very disappointed. However, blogging got me my first client in virtual assistance and now, enough income to pay my rent. Most importantly, it made me start my first business and now I’m gaining experience.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear

Even though, a risk may not yield expected results. It may open doors to new opportunities which could take you to places you never dreamed of. Take a risk today. You don’t know where it might take you.

If you loved this article, you’ll love this even more. Click to find out.

Standing Up In The Face Of Rejection

I sincerely thought I could deal with rejection until I got a new kind of rejection. I struggled with it and I had to seek some help and re-orient myself. After a little research, reading articles and talking to friends, I felt so much better and I decided to share what I’ve learned with you guys.

Starting a virtual assistant business has had me putting myself up for scrutiny every other day and having to face, more often than not a big fat “NO”. Right now, I dread my inbox due to the number of emails I’ve been getting. But why does rejection hurt so much? It’s because our brains are wired with the same pathways for physical pain as the emotional feeling of rejection.

The pain that lingers when we feel rejected is self-damaging and self-inflicted

How can you deal with this pain?

First, realize that it is absolutely normal and the people who rejected you or your work are the minority and do not really define and speak for the rest of the population. We are 7 billion on the planet, you still have a long way to go. Then, use the pain to your advantage. See it as a wake- up call to be better and to improve. I always say, use everything as an excuse to improve.

Everyone needs to experience pain at least once in their lifetime because it corrects the idea of perfection in your mind

Avoid taking things personally. It’s really not because they were out to get you. Try to be objective about the situation. If you were in their shoes and you had to pick 5 out of 100 people, someone has to go. If logic fails you, and you can’t possibly think of a good reason why you were rejected, then it goes to show that it is a loss on their part. This is especially true in relationships.

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Make new connections with people. Wallowing in your sadness and shame of being rejected will not help you get through the feelings you may be dealing with. Trying to establish new relationships and connections is a sure fire way to remind you that the world is huge and that there are so many new opportunities waiting to be grabbed.

Related: Time To Focus

Avoid destructive self-criticism. As much as this may be tempting to go all “Woe is me”. It won’t help the situation and it will only worsen how you feel and you may roll into depression. Failure and rejection should be handled similarly. Constructive criticism is helpful especially if you get feedback from the person who rejected you. If you focus on working hard to get what you want, you won’t have the time become self-piteous.

Related: The Gift of Failure

Rejection, especially constant rejection is a sign that you are trying to live your life to the fullest so don’t give up.

If you need a little more inspiration, I love this article: WHY YOU SHOULD AIM FOR 100 REJECTIONS IN A YEAR.

Finally, PRAY. Yes, I said it, PRAY. If you’re religious or even if you’re not. Prayer and meditation are good ways to work through any emotion whatsoever. As a Christian, prayer helps me through many things I deal with. Here are some verses that could help:

2Cor 12:9 – And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

1 Peter 5:7 -Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalm 118: 22 – The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.  Love this one.

At the end of the day, your self-love is all that matters and if you approve who and what you are, nobody should tell you otherwise. If you believe you’re good enough, soon enough someone else will. It may take time but the time will definitely come.

Stay Awesome.

If you enjoyed reading this post, please share to someone who may need to hear this. If you want to read more, you could snoop around right here:

 Habits For Personal Growth

Should We Just Abandon Toxic People?

Toxic people. A header in blog posts nowadays. You see everything from “Why You Should Get Rid Of Them” to “How To Get Rid Of Them“. It’s all good trying to get rid of negativity in your life, to maintain a positive atmosphere and all that zen but then why is the go-to decision to eliminate them.

I happen to be friends with someone who used to be very toxic and no I didn’t sentence them to an eternity of doom in hell. I love people and I believe if you try to see and understand how and why people become the way they are, you may be of help to them. I also understand that some people do not want to be helped. Those are special circumstances. Without further ado, here are ways you could save a toxic person:

A toxic person is often manipulative and has already exerted some form of control over you, your emotions and actions.

First, REALIZE THEY’RE TOXIC – Once you accept the fact that these people are not normal, average, well-adjusted members of the society and are often struggling with some form of deep emotional injury. When you have come to terms with that, you can now realize that your defenses have to be way stronger than they normally are

Next, TELL THEM WHAT YOU DISCOVERED – Whether they be significant other or just friends, you have to tell them that they are toxic, not necessarily their entire being but their behavior towards you is. Tell them like you mean every letter of the words you speak. Do not hesitate or sound unsure, otherwise, you may open a new window for them to hurt you emotionally with some sort of guilt.

Now, you have to ESTABLISH EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES and EMOTIONAL DISTANCE. This may sound really harsh but it is tough love and it works. This way you can see things objectively and be able to deal with them. Most toxic people manipulate you emotionally so creating emotional distance can help you break free from the grip they may already have on you.

Once this is put in place, there are certain things you should always keep in mind:

  • They might get worse at first before they get better.
  • They may never change, don’t expect it. If this happens, it’s your cue to leave.
  • They should be treated with empathy. Don’t judge them.
  • You don’t have to explain yourself all the time. ( The temptation might arise from guilt trip).
  • You don’t have to help them through EVERY crisis.
  • You should understand the cycle of their behaviour.
  • You should FORGIVE but don’t be NAIVE

With this in mind and their best interests at heart, here are some more ways you could be of help:

DON’T NORMALIZE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR

This may be difficult to do at first, because, you may be oblivious to the behavior and you may be used to it. Don’t let abusive behavior continue and definitely do not make excuses for it. Let them know what is abusive and how you feel and never let it repeat. It’s a process so work on it every day. Squash negative talk. Never let it get to you as before.

Learn to pick up the cues and know when you’re being abused

USE SUPPORT SYSTEMS

A lot of these times, these people who have become toxic to us are people who happen to be very close to us and we lean on them for some sort of support. In cases like this, new support systems have to be formed to enable them to lose their power over and you and enable both of you to fix what is broken and heal properly.

Finally, pick your battles wisely and try as much as possible to rise above every challenge you may face. At the end of the day, it’s always a personal decision for someone to change. You can only do so much. If you see no improvements and no willingness to change, pack your bags and leave. That’s right, I went there. Take care of yourself because no-one else will do it for you.

Please share with someone who may need to hear this. I hope you stay negativity free.

 

 

 

Are You Ready To Make Your Next Decision?

Decisions, decisions, decisions. We all have to make them or at least force someone else to make them for us. One way or the other, it’s a horror we all have to face. Since, it is a necessary evil, which it doesn’t have to be, what becomes important is how well we are at making decisions. Decision making could be one of two ways:

  • Intuitive – Going with your gut instinct
  • Reasoned – Using facts and figures
  • Both – A reasonable combination of each

Each method of decision making has its own use. You can’t make a decision in the stock market for example solely on how you felt that Monday morning. Unless you’re some prediction guru. You’d have to read all the weird graphs we skip through on the news. Same applies to food. You won’t stop eating fast food just because a percentage of people die from it. If you love, you eat it.

One key is to know when to apply each method of decision making.

To make a good decision, you must first know what you’re deciding about. This should be obvious but sometimes we don’t realize the consequences of our decisions which often leads to regret and lots of wishes. The next step is to gather as much information as possible. You don’t want to buy a new phone and discover two days later that the camera is bad and it’s been all over the internet. Go out and get yourself enlightened. Always seek alternatives. Explore your options. Weigh the pros and cons. Then choose and make a reasonable decision.

The best decision is the optimum decision taken after putting every factor into consideration at the time the decision was made.

There are certain pitfalls that arise whenever someone has to make a decision. A few of them are:

  • “Halo Effect” – This is when something is deemed good just because it possesses one or two characteristics you admire. For example, because a person attended your college, it means they’ll make good employees.
  • “Horns Effect” – Just like the halo effect, here, one negative characteristic, makes everything else look bad.
  • Emotional attachments which can cause a lot of bias.

Hasty decisions are as bad as those that take too much time to make. Be moderate and choose wisely.

Decision making is a skill that takes a lot of time to perfect and even then the circumstances may not allow you undergo the right process you may need. The goal is to always make a better decision than the previous time you had to. That way, you can ensure growth and self- development.

Just a few things to remember:

  1. Life is unpredictable, there are no guarantees.
  2. Doing nothing should never be an option.
  3. Never let fear stop you.
  4. When you choose, never second guess yourself.