My Little Skeleton Closet

It’s Pentecost Sunday. If you’re a Christian and it literally marks the birth of Christianity. What better time to talk about habits that need to be dealt with. I’m going to get a little personal and tell you some little secrets. Pinky swear you won’t tell anyone? Okay.

P.S I’m working on all of these and soon enough, they won’t exist.

  1. PROCRASTINATION: Was I not the queen of this lot. I have this thing where I plan things in my head till they’re all neat and tidy before doing them. This sounds like a good idea but it takes forever before it gets neat and tidy. The result is loads of work, last-minute and a very stressed out girl.To tackle this, I thought of the things I procrastinate the most – Writing blog posts. So I wrote down topics for each day of this month and now I have no excuse whatsoever. You can find some useful tips here
  2. LAZINESS: Lately, I picked up on laziness. The problem is that school kickstarts my day. Now, I’m home, I have no reason to do my morning rush routine so I drag my feet and I refuse to get anything done. Because of this,  I’ve gained unnecessary weight and I feel even more sluggish.Needless to say, I got off my butt and started exercising again, making sure that I start my mornings with a routine that kickstarts my day and energizes me.
  3. ANXIETY: Not the medical kind, but I don’t think ‘agitatedness’ is a real word. I have slight control issues and I hate when things don’t go as I plan. I need them to always be like the picture in my head. The thing I forget is that I need to Let Go and Let God. I can’t always have everything in my control.I’m learning how to be calm. No matter the situation. Tomorrow, I’ll write on that very topic.
  4. FAILURE TO LISTEN One word. EXTROVERT. I talk a lot. I sometimes have to consciously restrain myself from speaking. I mean my friends love it when I talk. I’m so many people in a group. I could be the clown, the entertainer or just the girl who brings up new topics to talk about. Either way, I talked so much I failed to listen.Even when I did listen, I listened to reply. Bad habit.Now, I shut that little voice in my head creates answers when people speak. Now, I listen to learn, to hear what the other person is saying.
  5. BEING OVERLY CAUTIOUS: If you didn’t catch on from my control freak syndrome, the second to that is, being overly cautious. Yes, I know I just wrote about Taking Risks. What you have to understand is that I sometimes speak to myself via this medium. I like facts more than ‘ideas’. This makes me calculate the risk in every situation till I’m absolutely sure it’ll work.

I take more chances now but it used to be a very horrible habit of mine. Don’t be me.

I want to continue but then I want you to come back. If you want another list, I have quite a few up my sleeve. I discover myself every day so I’ll have newer ones I’ve discovered. If you’d like, I’ll also write one to help each bad habits.

What are your own bad habits you’re working on? Let me know in the comment section. Share with a friend who needs to evaluate themselves. Have a blessed week.

Related: While You’re Still Young

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The Change Should Start In You

There’s a good ol’ saying that you should be the change you seek. Be the change you want to see in the world or be the person you expect others to be. It’s a fool proof saying and it couldn’t be truer. The easiest way to solve a problem is to narrow it down to its source. It’s a simple cycle. To change the world, the change has to begin with you. To change yourself, the change has to begin in you.

Every person is a complete being. There are many aspects to your existence and each aspect plays a vital role that sums up your personality and temperament. Your personality is who you are. It can be affected by genetics and environment but you are a huge part of who you want to be.

To elicit a change in a person, or rather to grow as a person, it is best to begin on the inside where it matters. Ask yourself these questions to begin:

  • Who am I?
  • What qualities do I possess?
  • What is my character like?
  • Who do I want to be?

For you to grow as an individual, there has to be a before, which you already are, and an after, where you’re headed to. With these in mind, it become easy to transit and plan out what you should do. One of the biggest issues with the youths of today is Identity Crisis.

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.”
Lao Tzu

It’s the same reason people walk into relationships and then walk out. Their reason? They need to find themselves. This issue arises because we define ourselves based on people’s perception, remarks and societal standards of what our ideal should be. Your first step should be your personality type. You can learn more and even take the test here.

“Your own Self-Realization is the greatest service you can render the world.”
Ramana Maharshi

Every personality has it’s strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses. No-on ever excelled by complaining about their weaknesses. Work on them till they become strengths. Sometimes, what we call ‘weaknesses’ may be the strength you’ll need one day. Where brute force failed, love prevailed. Yet love is sometimes seen as a weak emotion.

Read books. Technology has made access to everything so much easier. Find books to help you grow. Become a better individual. Saying things like ‘this is the way I am’ or ‘this is the way I was made’ will take you nowhere. Those are just excuses. It never helped anyone.

Every aspect of your being is what makes you unique. The way you speak, handle situations, the way you interact with people and the way you carry yourself. If you want to achieve anything in life, you have to grow. I always say ‘Growth takes time‘ so start yesterday. Don’t be so focused on one aspect of your life like school or college or making money that you neglect every other aspect. Be a well rounded individual. Start the change within and watch everything else change.

I hope this was useful to you. Please share with a friend.

P.S I recommend reading How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. In fact, read all his books. It’ll do you good

The Risk Taking Lifestyle

If you’ve ever watched a video about the lifestyle of successful people, one thing is sure to pop up. They take risks. The risk taking lifestyle has existed for ages. Everyone who has become successful or famous for doing something groundbreaking has had to take a risk at some point. Often called a leap of faith, it is said that entrepreneurs dive off a cliff and they build a parachute on the way down.

Sounds exhilarating, but it’s easier said than done. Even in Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, there are 6 basic fears that most people have. One of them is the fear of failure. This fear of failure is further amplified by the fear of taking risks. There’s one simple thing to always keep in mind.

Without risk, there is no reward.

Many people remain where they are today stuck in an unhappy relationship, a horrible job or even in college, studying a course they don’t want to. Why? Because they are afraid to make the jump. It’s a simple theory. You can’t eat your cake and have it. The rewards only come to those who chase it. I’ll definitely write on the subject of fear sometime later.  If you’re reading this and you’re always scared of doing things, you need a change of heart.

Like everything else it has to be intentional. It doesn’t happen in one day. People who fail to take risks often have regrets later on in life. Whenever the fear of risk taking sets in, ask yourself this:

  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • What do I stand to gain?
  • What do I stand to lose?
  • Why am I really afraid? Is it because of other people’s opinions or me?
  • How will I feel about this decision in a few years?

Often times, people abstain from taking risks because they expect too much from that one opportunity. They want it to be the one that changes their lives forever. How can you tell? Treat opportunities like they could go either way. Not “hope for the best but expect the worst”. That’s a very weird saying, because anything you expect will happen to you by the Law of Attraction.

Don’t expect failure. Work like it’s your only shot but don’t be devastated when it crashes. It was just another opportunity. It is not your destiny.

The risk taking lifestyle is one that has to be built up. For some people, slowly, and for others, they take a huge leap. Whichever works for you. Don’t remain the same fearful person you were yesterday. Take new risks everyday. If it’s uncomfortable, you’re probably doing it right. The life you want is out of your comfort zone. I took a risk and started a blog in the middle of the semester in Medical school. I didn’t have many readers and I felt very disappointed. However, blogging got me my first client in virtual assistance and now, enough income to pay my rent. Most importantly, it made me start my first business and now I’m gaining experience.

Everything you want is on the other side of fear

Even though, a risk may not yield expected results. It may open doors to new opportunities which could take you to places you never dreamed of. Take a risk today. You don’t know where it might take you.

If you loved this article, you’ll love this even more. Click to find out.

Awards and New Milestones

I was nominated for this award by MaryFaithWrites. I’m even more excited that it came on the same day I got 100 followers here on WordPress. So I’ll kill two birds with one stone and thank you to @awordwithlm for the same nomination

The rules for the Liebster Award are:

  1. You can choose to either accept or decline. Accepting means writing a post, which you don’t have to do, but it helps to continue spreading the love!
  2. Write a list of 11 facts about yourself.
  3. Answer the 11 questions from your nominator.
  4. Nominate 11 other bloggers to keep the award going, and give them 11 questions to answer.

Here are my answers:

11 Facts About Me

  1. I’m Nigerian. I say this because I know I don’t sound like a Nigerian here but wait till you see me with my friends.
  2. I’m quite tall. I’m 5ft 10″ and I have more legs than upper body which I love btw.
  3. I love reading books. I almost don’t read anymore because I’m not a fan of ebooks or audio books. I like paper and I love my head voice, it does cute impressions for me.
  4. I’ve never seen a live concert in my life. Hillsong is one group I’d love to see and Taya is my favorite ( love the new haircut).
  5. I’m an extrovert who needs too much alone time. I can’t even explain it.
  6. Water is my favorite thing. I was called a fish back in high school even though I’m not a strong swimmer. This was because I always looked for a new excuse to get into water (whether rain or pool) and I had long legs which everyone said was actually a mermaid tail.
  7. My favorite number is 3 even though I don’t like odd numbers.
  8. I still believe that good people exist and I’m extremely patient with people.
  9. I have scattered taste in music. I listen to every genre and I stay away from secular music as much as possible. Especially the very vulgar ones.
  10. I’m very old fashioned so I believe in morals and values. I love order.
  11. Being the oldest child in a family of 6, I always take responsibility for everything. It kills me.

Here are my answers:

 

  1. What is your favorite thing about blogging? Learning new things every day and getting to inspire people in the process
  2. Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook? Definitely InstaBook
  3. If you could go back and change one thing about your life, such as a decision you made, would you? And what would it be? I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve come to realize that everything that happened to me was for a reason. It always made sense in the end so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
  4. What is another culture that you would like to know more about? French and Indian
  5. What charitable causes are you passionate about? I have not actively looked into any. But I love any cause that tries to better the lives of others.
  6. What is your favorite holiday and why? I’m not really one to celebrate any holiday, mostly because my family isn’t holiday crazy. However, if I had to pick, I’ll say Easter because I get to reflect on my life.
  7. Which one of Jesus’ characteristics (compassion, humility, etc.) means the most to you or has influenced you the most and why? Compassion. Because it’s what the world lacks today.
  8. What is the greatest gift God has given you? Love. My first name literally means love and it has been a huge part of how I help people.
  9. What is your favorite fairytale? I’ll go with Hercules. Because of Meg. She righted her wrongs and he was so selfless.
  10. How do you feel about vegetables? It’s a love-hate relationship. As a kid, I used to be totally disgusted by them but now, I’m more open minded.
  11. Who are some of your heroes and why? My mother. She’s a wonder- woman. If anything I want to be the kind of woman she is, especially in the spiritual aspect. She’s a warrior.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me. I know that’s what this award is all about. I’m not sure of bloggers to nominate right now. All those I know have been awarded at least twice. I’ll combine to update this. In the meantime, Have a blessed month.

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An Apology to My Creativity

This month I was lazy. This month, I played a gamble. This month I lost.

I got really lazy this month and felt like it was a good idea to stop writing. I felt lazy all the time. Morning, afternoon and night, I found a new excuse to give. By March 20th, I told myself that I wanted to see if people would come here whether or not I posted. Sadly they did come. How silly of me.

I spent hours and hours scrolling through feeds of other people’s content, refusing to create mine. I apologize. To the audience that came back. To the readers that have messaged me at some point to tell me how they loved an article I wrote. I got carried away, looking for new ways to increase my finances. I lost sight of what was important.

Even though, I had written about how I was never going to let it happen in this article. I apologize to my unused creativity. I promise never to abuse the gift that was given to me.

Although my reasons for trying to increase my financial standing was to help the growth of this blog, I still lost track. Nothing is worth sacrificing the vision for. Sometimes, slow and steady is always better.

I’m back and I’m better. I’m here for the long run. I hope you stick around on this ride to see how far it takes all of us. Most of all, I hope it blesses you as much as it blesses me.

If you want to read about the last time I lost track, here’s the article

Standing Up In The Face Of Rejection

I sincerely thought I could deal with rejection until I got a new kind of rejection. I struggled with it and I had to seek some help and re-orient myself. After a little research, reading articles and talking to friends, I felt so much better and I decided to share what I’ve learned with you guys.

Starting a virtual assistant business has had me putting myself up for scrutiny every other day and having to face, more often than not a big fat “NO”. Right now, I dread my inbox due to the number of emails I’ve been getting. But why does rejection hurt so much? It’s because our brains are wired with the same pathways for physical pain as the emotional feeling of rejection.

The pain that lingers when we feel rejected is self-damaging and self-inflicted

How can you deal with this pain?

First, realize that it is absolutely normal and the people who rejected you or your work are the minority and do not really define and speak for the rest of the population. We are 7 billion on the planet, you still have a long way to go. Then, use the pain to your advantage. See it as a wake- up call to be better and to improve. I always say, use everything as an excuse to improve.

Everyone needs to experience pain at least once in their lifetime because it corrects the idea of perfection in your mind

Avoid taking things personally. It’s really not because they were out to get you. Try to be objective about the situation. If you were in their shoes and you had to pick 5 out of 100 people, someone has to go. If logic fails you, and you can’t possibly think of a good reason why you were rejected, then it goes to show that it is a loss on their part. This is especially true in relationships.

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Make new connections with people. Wallowing in your sadness and shame of being rejected will not help you get through the feelings you may be dealing with. Trying to establish new relationships and connections is a sure fire way to remind you that the world is huge and that there are so many new opportunities waiting to be grabbed.

Related: Time To Focus

Avoid destructive self-criticism. As much as this may be tempting to go all “Woe is me”. It won’t help the situation and it will only worsen how you feel and you may roll into depression. Failure and rejection should be handled similarly. Constructive criticism is helpful especially if you get feedback from the person who rejected you. If you focus on working hard to get what you want, you won’t have the time become self-piteous.

Related: The Gift of Failure

Rejection, especially constant rejection is a sign that you are trying to live your life to the fullest so don’t give up.

If you need a little more inspiration, I love this article: WHY YOU SHOULD AIM FOR 100 REJECTIONS IN A YEAR.

Finally, PRAY. Yes, I said it, PRAY. If you’re religious or even if you’re not. Prayer and meditation are good ways to work through any emotion whatsoever. As a Christian, prayer helps me through many things I deal with. Here are some verses that could help:

2Cor 12:9 – And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

1 Peter 5:7 -Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalm 118: 22 – The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.  Love this one.

At the end of the day, your self-love is all that matters and if you approve who and what you are, nobody should tell you otherwise. If you believe you’re good enough, soon enough someone else will. It may take time but the time will definitely come.

Stay Awesome.

If you enjoyed reading this post, please share to someone who may need to hear this. If you want to read more, you could snoop around right here:

 Habits For Personal Growth

Should We Just Abandon Toxic People?

Toxic people. A header in blog posts nowadays. You see everything from “Why You Should Get Rid Of Them” to “How To Get Rid Of Them“. It’s all good trying to get rid of negativity in your life, to maintain a positive atmosphere and all that zen but then why is the go-to decision to eliminate them.

I happen to be friends with someone who used to be very toxic and no I didn’t sentence them to an eternity of doom in hell. I love people and I believe if you try to see and understand how and why people become the way they are, you may be of help to them. I also understand that some people do not want to be helped. Those are special circumstances. Without further ado, here are ways you could save a toxic person:

A toxic person is often manipulative and has already exerted some form of control over you, your emotions and actions.

First, REALIZE THEY’RE TOXIC – Once you accept the fact that these people are not normal, average, well-adjusted members of the society and are often struggling with some form of deep emotional injury. When you have come to terms with that, you can now realize that your defenses have to be way stronger than they normally are

Next, TELL THEM WHAT YOU DISCOVERED – Whether they be significant other or just friends, you have to tell them that they are toxic, not necessarily their entire being but their behavior towards you is. Tell them like you mean every letter of the words you speak. Do not hesitate or sound unsure, otherwise, you may open a new window for them to hurt you emotionally with some sort of guilt.

Now, you have to ESTABLISH EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES and EMOTIONAL DISTANCE. This may sound really harsh but it is tough love and it works. This way you can see things objectively and be able to deal with them. Most toxic people manipulate you emotionally so creating emotional distance can help you break free from the grip they may already have on you.

Once this is put in place, there are certain things you should always keep in mind:

  • They might get worse at first before they get better.
  • They may never change, don’t expect it. If this happens, it’s your cue to leave.
  • They should be treated with empathy. Don’t judge them.
  • You don’t have to explain yourself all the time. ( The temptation might arise from guilt trip).
  • You don’t have to help them through EVERY crisis.
  • You should understand the cycle of their behaviour.
  • You should FORGIVE but don’t be NAIVE

With this in mind and their best interests at heart, here are some more ways you could be of help:

DON’T NORMALIZE ABUSIVE BEHAVIOUR

This may be difficult to do at first, because, you may be oblivious to the behavior and you may be used to it. Don’t let abusive behavior continue and definitely do not make excuses for it. Let them know what is abusive and how you feel and never let it repeat. It’s a process so work on it every day. Squash negative talk. Never let it get to you as before.

Learn to pick up the cues and know when you’re being abused

USE SUPPORT SYSTEMS

A lot of these times, these people who have become toxic to us are people who happen to be very close to us and we lean on them for some sort of support. In cases like this, new support systems have to be formed to enable them to lose their power over and you and enable both of you to fix what is broken and heal properly.

Finally, pick your battles wisely and try as much as possible to rise above every challenge you may face. At the end of the day, it’s always a personal decision for someone to change. You can only do so much. If you see no improvements and no willingness to change, pack your bags and leave. That’s right, I went there. Take care of yourself because no-one else will do it for you.

Please share with someone who may need to hear this. I hope you stay negativity free.