Standing Up In The Face Of Rejection

I sincerely thought I could deal with rejection until I got a new kind of rejection. I struggled with it and I had to seek some help and re-orient myself. After a little research, reading articles and talking to friends, I felt so much better and I decided to share what I’ve learned with you guys.

Starting a virtual assistant business has had me putting myself up for scrutiny every other day and having to face, more often than not a big fat “NO”. Right now, I dread my inbox due to the number of emails I’ve been getting. But why does rejection hurt so much? It’s because our brains are wired with the same pathways for physical pain as the emotional feeling of rejection.

The pain that lingers when we feel rejected is self-damaging and self-inflicted

How can you deal with this pain?

First, realize that it is absolutely normal and the people who rejected you or your work are the minority and do not really define and speak for the rest of the population. We are 7 billion on the planet, you still have a long way to go. Then, use the pain to your advantage. See it as a wake- up call to be better and to improve. I always say, use everything as an excuse to improve.

Everyone needs to experience pain at least once in their lifetime because it corrects the idea of perfection in your mind

Avoid taking things personally. It’s really not because they were out to get you. Try to be objective about the situation. If you were in their shoes and you had to pick 5 out of 100 people, someone has to go. If logic fails you, and you can’t possibly think of a good reason why you were rejected, then it goes to show that it is a loss on their part. This is especially true in relationships.

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Make new connections with people. Wallowing in your sadness and shame of being rejected will not help you get through the feelings you may be dealing with. Trying to establish new relationships and connections is a sure fire way to remind you that the world is huge and that there are so many new opportunities waiting to be grabbed.

Related: Time To Focus

Avoid destructive self-criticism. As much as this may be tempting to go all “Woe is me”. It won’t help the situation and it will only worsen how you feel and you may roll into depression. Failure and rejection should be handled similarly. Constructive criticism is helpful especially if you get feedback from the person who rejected you. If you focus on working hard to get what you want, you won’t have the time become self-piteous.

Related: The Gift of Failure

Rejection, especially constant rejection is a sign that you are trying to live your life to the fullest so don’t give up.

If you need a little more inspiration, I love this article: WHY YOU SHOULD AIM FOR 100 REJECTIONS IN A YEAR.

Finally, PRAY. Yes, I said it, PRAY. If you’re religious or even if you’re not. Prayer and meditation are good ways to work through any emotion whatsoever. As a Christian, prayer helps me through many things I deal with. Here are some verses that could help:

2Cor 12:9 – And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly, therefore, will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

1 Peter 5:7 -Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalm 118: 22 – The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.  Love this one.

At the end of the day, your self-love is all that matters and if you approve who and what you are, nobody should tell you otherwise. If you believe you’re good enough, soon enough someone else will. It may take time but the time will definitely come.

Stay Awesome.

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 Habits For Personal Growth

Solitude: Loving your own company

This is an old post I wrote sometime last year. Now in honour of all the singles in this “lovers month”. Enjoy!

Single. Solitude. Alone. One. Scary  right? All our lives we’re brought up and taught to seek and keep company. Good or bad, the choice is usually ours to make and we’ve always made the same choice, Company. Thanks to social media today, we now not only have to prove ourselves to those physically around us but to those from across a platform whom we’ll probably never meet. Now, in the eventuality that you’re not social media crazy, how about everyday life? Being a young adult, discovering who you are is thrilling and it’s more often than not time for fun, socializing and interacting. We definitely do have a lot of fun, from relationships to everyday friendships, usually back to back, due to modifications of a basic triangular life.

Take a second to ask yourself: “Have I ever been truly alone by choice and didn’t feel like it was wrong? Or felt the need to fill up the ’emptiness’?” We spend so much of our time with people, among people and sometimes even trying to be other people and we end up losing ourselves. Even when we’re out of relationships, we are never really single. Do we appreciate the alone time we get? Because most times we end up having one person we ‘talk to’ and there’s actually never a time where we’re not obligated to something or someone.

Give it a thought, how about a day out to have fun, something you’d usually do with someone but now, alone. A night out, a dinner date with yourself, a walk, a trip, staying single after a relationship  or even that thing you’ve always wanted to try but you’re slightly embarrassed about or too scared to do. You’ll never know till you try.

The value of company nowadays is slightly overrated and we’re no longer allowed the luxury of choosing how to spend our time. We’re constantly being judged and unconsciously we’ve developed a habit of putting up a front that would be acceptable by others so we can fit in. Being always alone is never a good idea but so is always being in people’s company. Nowadays we are blocked out by the walls we’ve spent years mastering its architecture, surrounded by people and deeply alone. It’s not such a wonder that depression is on a steady increase. I’ve met people in my life who can’t function if they’re not in a group or in a relationship and ‘attention freaks’ would be a nice way of putting it. They hop from circle to circle helplessly , unable to function as an individual and often needing others to pick them up every now and then. Others would rather endure uncomfortable and non conducive friendships because they don’t want to be on their own which eventually become toxic to their lives.

Speech is silver, silence is golden. Once in a while, enjoy golden silence. I  do agree it would seem awkward at first and you might get stares from strangers because we’re not accustomed to seeing people alone in situations they usually wouldn’t be in, but at the end of the day you might appreciate it or just really hate it In all, our lives should be a reflection of all we’ve been through, the people we’ve met, the impact they’ve made in our lives and the influences they’ve had on the choices we’ve made but our persona should be the basis and the rock of it all, being able to stand when everything else is taken away.

By choice or by chance,  we should cherish the times when we are single, when we’re not tied up in a relationship, to siblings, parents or even pets because in a week, a month or even in the next second, the moment is gone… and those moments are when we really, truly find ourselves.

Discovering Yourself

There’s a lot to do this month, with new year resolutions and all, but while you’re making decisions this year to become a better you, a question you should ask yourself is: Do I really know myself? It’s a deep question if you think of it critically because you are a product of interaction with people, the experiences you’ve had and your environment moderated with  your individual perception.

Phew so much grammar. Anyway, there’s one way to start, finding out your personality type here. If you don’t have the time to here’s a rundown of the 16 personalities (according to Jung’s and Briggs Myers’ theories of personality type.) and they are divided into four main groups;

Disclaimer: The information below is not a form of professional advice. This post contains information based on research carried out by professionals sourced online and is only for information purposes.

  1. THE ANALYSTS

These include the;

  • INTJ which represents Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging. They are very Imaginative and Strategic.
  • INTP which represents  Introvert, Intuitive, Thinking, Perceiving. They are curious and love inventing.
  • ENTJ which represents Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinking, Feeling. They are bold and strong-willed.
  • ENTP which represents Extrovert, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging. They are curious and smart.

2. THE DIPLOMATS

These include the:

  •  INFJ which represents Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, Judging. They are quiet and mystical.
  •  INFP which represents Introvert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. They are poetic, kind and altruistic.
  •  ENFJ which represents Extrovert, Intuitive,Feeling, Judging. They are charismatic and inspiring leaders.
  •  ENFP which represents Extrovert, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceiving. They are enthusiastic, creative and sociable.

3.  THE SENTINELS

These include the:

  • ISTJ which represents Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging.  They are practical and love facts.
  • ISFJ which represents Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. They are very dedicated and warm protectors.
  • ESTJ which represents  Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging. They are administrators are good at managing things.
  • ESFJ which represents  Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. They are extraordinarily caring, social and popular.

4.   THE EXPLORERS

These include the:

  • ISTP which represents Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving. They are bold and experimental.
  • ISFP which represents Introvert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving. They are flexible and are great artists.
  • ESTP which represents  Extrovert, Sensing, Thinking, Perceiving. They are smart energeetic and perceptive.
  • ESFP which represents  Extrovert, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving.  They are spontaneous, energetic and enthusiastic.

This is just a summary of the personalities that exist. Now, the importance of learning about your personality type, is to help you understand yourself better and understand why you act the way you do. If you follow the link , after you take the test, you’ll see that it explains behavior in relationships, among friends and even career paths to pursue. It’s not magic or like horoscopes, it’s just study based research that describes human behavior and personalities.

I plead that you take out time to answer the quiz, read through the description and apply the knowledge in your life. You could take the quiz alongside a significant other,it helps create better understanding in your relationship. It should not be used as an excuse like “this is the way I am” but rather for personal growth. Keep your strengths and strengthen your weaknesses. On a final note, know that personalities change with time and environment, for example, I changed from one to another and people are often combinations of personalities but one personality is always the most dominant.