What Is Confidence To You?

There are lots of definitions of  ‘confidence’ nowadays. I scrolled through a thread on Quora and I loved the responses I saw. Each person had a unique view on the concept. The most interesting response I read was on Yahoo answers. The answer was from three years ago and they broke it down into the most amazing concept. Whoever that person is, they literally wrote this post for me and I have them to thank for it.

Here:

Well this is a simple question. When you were younger lets say the
youngest point in your life that you can remember how confident were you?
Now you might say ‘oh well I was as confident as I ever was’ but what were
you confident in? I know for sure that you weren’t confident in algebra, in
touching hot water, staying home alone.. In-fact I’m pretty sure you were not
that confident in things you now find easy. Why is this? Well there are different
types of confidence. Many in-fact but here are the main ones:

Physical confidence
(i,e sports, playing instruments,day-to-day tasks) Just knowing what you
can and cannot physically do. Although much of this is mental for example savants
who can play the piano without practise. I’m labelling it as physical confidence
because it’s the confidence you place in what you can and cannot do physically.
Physical confidence comes from either understanding the task before hand like
savants do which is quite difficult. Or by practising an individual tasks until
your brain understands the tasks and you become confident in it.

Social confidence
(your ability to socialize confidently, take part in conversations, being your self
regardless of what you think society would think,) Understanding your part in society
and overcoming both the irrational and rational fears you have. Or ignoring the
negative responses you might get from society and just being arrogant people who
do this usually give up or receive a reality check which plunges them into depression.
Although some people benefit from being arrogant as it gives them the space and
confidence they need to develop their own personalities. Or by lying to yourself
and acting as if you don’t care about what society thinks, although most of the time
people who do this usually begin get fed up of having to fake confidence and stop
which also plunges them into depression.
Either way Social confidence is nearly 100% mental and people who are Socially confident
just have a different window of perception it has nothing to do with what they are
physically capable of but how they choose to perceive social incidences.

Mental confidence
(confidence in your thoughts, your analytical skills, your sense of logic)
Understanding your own mental abilities by comparing them to others around you. For example comparing how fast you can think in comparison to your friends and just knowing you’re smarter than others. Or by basing your mental confidence on your past accomplishments such as being smartest in all of your classes, winning a spelling bee. Or by just knowing what you can potentially do and basing your mental confidence on your mental potential (which is a lot).

Emotional confidence
(being emotionally secure, willing to take emotional risks, not fearing rejection)
Understanding your own emotions and overcoming the irrational fears such as rejection.
Again this all mental although spiritualists believe that all emotions come from the heart
and that to overcome emotions we need to reflect and understand them I do believe this to be true to an extent. I don’t believe emotions come from our heart*. But I do believe to understand them takes a bit of self-reflection once we have understood our own emotions, we can easily get rid of all the irrational fears behind them making us emotionally confident.

Personal confidence
(your personality, your appearance, sense of humor)
To be confident in who you are it helps to like who you are in the first place if you
don’t like yourself as a person then it is quite hard to be consistently confident in who you are. Confidence in who you are also usually comes from others (which is the category after this) because most of us have to rely on others to indicate how acceptable we are as people.

When we look in the mirror only a minority of us are comfortable in how we look and are confident in our appearance. Personal appearance is a much more complex form of confidence because it comes from others, ourself and the media unlike all the other forms of confidence. But still even if you have in confidence
in your appearance you still have the potential to be confident in other ways.

Confidence we gain through others (physical, social, mental, emotional, personal)
I would say around 10% or even less of the confidence we possess comes from others this can be any of the main 4 types of confidence. We pick up huge amounts of confidence from others while we are young from others around us. We also pick up confidence from others throughout the day. If were amongst one of the lucky ones anyway but it doesn’t last that ling.

Some people gain no confidence from others at all but are still very self-confident. Naturally we as humans seem to seek out attention and admiration from others to build our own confidence and to assure us this doesn’t mean we need it’s just that we are naturally hard-wired to seek it out.

So confidence comes from a majority of places but mainly ourselves.
And I know I missed out a lot but hey i wrote this quick.

By Leeban Abdullahi
email me and tell me what you think l.leeban@hotmail.com

disagree

Source: Yahoo Answers  

N:B Some grammatical errors have been corrected

I think this just explains that you can have confidence in one area and lack in another.

To gain complete confidence, is to master area of life without fail.

What is confidence to you?

Featured Image source below:

Tamara Bellis

The Pressure To Change

Do you know how we get fuels and precious stones from the earth? I’m sure you probably do. The summary is that when heat, pressure and a little pixie dust combine, it forms new materials that we harness and use. Depending on the conditions, we could get anything from coal to diamond. Where am I headed? Pressure. The importance of pressure. You see heat is a simple guy, it basically has two extremes. It burns or cools (freezes) you. Pressure on the other hand is more dynamic.

One of the first few quotes I caught up with in high school was:

Change is the only constant thing.

As a student who loved literature, I felt like this was the coolest quote ever. It was witty and like a mind-blowing play on words. Which brings me to a thought I’ve had all day.

Do you have to change EVERYTHING to get what you want?

If you haven’t caught on by now, I’m a very ‘feeling’ person. I love people and I care very much. I believe we are unique individuals and we’re the only ones that can do something a certain way. However, in a society that is annoyingly dynamic (not in a good way), do you have to constantly change who you are to get where you want to?

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Take for instance today I was having a discussion about personality types which I’ve found myself doing more often. Each one has strengths, weaknesses and careers that suit them. What then happens when you want to be successful in a path that your personality type doesn’t exactly flourish in? My take was that if you work on yourself, to strengthen your weaknesses, you could make everything work for you. The other take was that you have to restructure your mindset till you become the personality type of the ‘more’ successful people.

Maybe I’m not being a very logical person right now but drastic changes in personality type can affect every relationship you have. It might mean re-shuffling everyone in your life. A small price to pay for success. At least that’s what a logical person would say.

There’s so much pressure to be something which seems better off than who you are. I don’t even know why this is a thing. Why can’t we improve our character to work for us. There’s no fixing of broken things, it’s always ‘get a new one’. I’m not sure where this is headed. I do promise to get back on track tomorrow. I just needed to drop this as food for thought.

Unless you’re a completely horrible person, do you believe you have to change everything you believe in to fit what you want to achieve, whether or not you find it comfortable? Typing this makes me hope someone is not going to just miss the point. Because here it is ——–> .

People always tell me to be more ‘logical’ or be less ‘feeling’. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that exactly. It doesn’t feel natural to me. I mean I’ve improved in most areas of my life over the years and learnt how to tone down certain traits in certain situations. For example, crying when someone is rescued from a drowning accident, instead of resuscitation is probably useless. Even though that’s what some people might do. I don’t want to fit a mold. I just want to be able to fill the need I was brought here to. Change and growth is important but never lose yourself in doing so.

If we were all doctors, we’d have no chairs. Everyone is important.

You are rare and precious. Never forget that.

Why I Love Inspiring People

The day I started this blog was a scary day for me. I was so scared. Every free e-book I had exchanged my email address for had said I should have a niche. I didn’t have one. I really wanted to stop at that point. What was my blog going to be about? I knew I was a chatterbox in real life but you had to be more than that to catch people’s attention.

I tried to write down a list of qualities I had. I couldn’t write anything. It’s like when someone asks you what you do for fun. You just stare and pray for some cool sounding answer to pop out of your mouth. Over the months, I’ve become more comfortable. I may not know my ‘niche’ yet but I know my vision.

To encourage and inspire.

I may have to find some clever way to write that eventually but this is the basis of it all. I wake up every morning and my feed is flooded with clothes, makeup, skincare and exotic destinations. They get me excited and make me dream more but it also opens my eye to a neglected region.

We have a lot of people looking fine on the outside but broken on the inside. I want to help with that. I may not be able to fix all of it but I’m going to try. There are so many issues youths deal with everyday. I want to be able to help people work through that. With my experiences,  the lessons I’ve learned and the books I’ve read, I’ll offer the knowledge I possess.

I hope anyone that reads my blog walks away with a new perspective or gets inspired to do that one thing they’re scared of. At the very least, making someone smile world just as well for me.

I may not be able change the world at large but I’ll try, one person at a time.

Inspiration is very much like motivation.

People say motivation does not last long. That’s why like bathing, we recommend it daily.

Zig Ziglar

Stop The Victim Mindset

Today, I feel really annoyed. But, I’ve been taught to always write with love and concern, not out of anger. So here I go. Society sucks but you already know that. I wake up every morning and I try to avoid unnecessary controversies and negativity flying around the internet. I can’t leave the internet because it’s my second home. I live and work here. But some days are better than others.

Recently, a lot of articles and social media drama have managed to infiltrate my happy bubble. I am not running away from anything or anyone but I learned something new. For anything you read, watch or listen to, you don’t need to agree but it subconsciously influences you. This is why I guard my heart like my life depends on it, because it does.

What is the victim mindset? Here’s a copy and paste version.

If you have a victim mentality, you will see your entire life through a perspective that things constantly happen ‘to’ you. Victimization is thus a combination of seeing most things in life as negative, beyond your control, and as something you should be given sympathy for experiencing as you ‘deserve’ better. At its heart, a victim mentality is actually a way to avoid taking any responsibility for yourself or your life. By believing you have no power then you don’t have to take action. 

Source: Harley therapy

I feel like we’ve tweaked this mentality and made it suit us. This generation with the help of our society has made the victim mindset help us reach for ‘entitlement’. At this point, I’d like to point out something:

Society can only help make your life easier. Society cannot fix you.

We really need to stop putting famous people on pedestals and when they fail us, we complain. You can and may be hurt by people. People will treat you wrongly. They will not give you what rightfully belongs to you because the world is corrupt. It is not an excuse to blame all the hurt you feel on them. They may have had a part to play but you let them get to you. I recently watched a deaf girl on AGT sing. She has an amazing voice but she’s deaf. A deaf guy won ANTM at some point. It just means you can do anything.

I grew up in Nigeria. That’s just code for ‘I grew up tough’. This generation is growing up too soft. They can’t even face little obstacles in their paths. I can whine all day about how life is hard for me but I choose not to. Some days, I do, because we all deserve our five minutes. Once I’m done, I move on. I try new things. I fail some more. I get rejected a few thousand times again but I dust my bum and I get up. Nowadays, people feel like every complaint should be a movement. It’s not necessary.

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Take for example, I’m about 5ft 10 and I can almost never find a maxi gown in shops that is actually maxi. Trousers hardly reach where they’re supposed to. Let’s not even start with shoes. I have wide and long feet, about 11 inches long. My size is hard to find and when I do find them, they’re in ugly designs. I just move on. There’s a better way to complain about things that are not in place. I wouldn’t blame my lack of footwear on my poor performance in school. Even though I know that whenever I wake up I get a mini heart attack because my last pair is worn out and only one-fifths of my wardrobe matches that pair. You see my drift.

Can we just stop blaming society and little things for causing our problems. The little things do add up but it’s important to make sure they don’t. Isolate issues and deal with them individually. If you link everything up, it becomes this huge problem that seems impossible to solve. Just because two things happened simultaneously, doesn’t mean one happened as a result of the other.

You’re not weak for expressing your vulnerability. You’re weak for refusing to work through it.

Grief, pain, hurt, struggles, difficulties and obstacles are all part of living. They come and go. It’s normal to experience and you’re not the only one. It’s okay to express them, especially when it becomes too hard to bear. It is not okay to remain in a helpless situation even when help is offered to you. More importantly, it is not right to just ‘expect’ that help will come even thought it should.

You should be the architect of your own life. Help from others should be secondary. Rely on yourself. If you find others trustworthy enough to rely on, then do. If you don’t, become a reliable person so you can make someone else’s life easier.

You may be a victim at some point in your life but DO NOT let it become your life.

 

Don’t Put All Your Eggs In The College Basket.

Brought to you by a college student.

Take it from me, college isn’t everything. I also do not subscribe to the fallacy of the laptop lifestyle because it’s way more difficult than that. I am the girl who believed in school as a source of security.  I still believe in college, just not as much.

My curiosity began when I realized that many people could not afford college. I grew up in a low-grade environment. Most kids prayed to finish high school. I was lucky enough to come from a family that could support my education. That didn’t mean it was easy, there were days I was sent home for not paying fees and sometimes I missed classes. However, I was grateful that it was an option in the first place. I remember asking the girl next door what the plan was, since college was out of the question. She said she’d start a business. In my mind, I shook my head thinking that she would probably end up like the people in my street. Boy was I wrong. I don’t know where she is today but I wish I could go back to tell her that she’d be just fine.

For me, education meant extra work. I couldn’t afford to put in average effort as my chances of getting the best education would come only from a scholarship. I had to work extra hard. I was always at the top of my class but my school was also one of the lesser quality schools. This meant that my ‘best in class’ could mean bottom of the class somewhere else. Extra work.

Growing up, I was so playful. I love playing. I couldn’t sit still in class for any reason. I had to focus and no, I don’t have ADHD. I was just excited about life. School was never stressful for me but I always wondered how the other kids who thought different would cope. Fast forward at least 17 years later, I know they should be doing fine, if they want to. School is not the only answer.

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Now, I’m in college and it’s not as easy as I thought it would be. I’m not as ‘bright’ as I used to be. I broke down at least thrice in the last two years. I feel like I’m in a race and everyone is leaving me behind. I still believe in not giving up. I like finishing whatever I start. So, no I won’t give up on college. Call me stubborn but that’s just me.

Lately I’ve been feeling out-of-place and scared of everything ahead because I’m so unsure. Most people call me crazy and unfocused for trying anything else other than just Medicine but this is me. I may finish this journey and become a doctor. I may also finish and never use my certificate. I was never forced to do this so I believe I get the choice to change it even though I’m too scared to.

I don’t know. I really don’t. I guess I’m just too chicken. I’m writing this to tell anyone out there who feels like they won’t go far because they can’t afford college that they’ll make it. IF you work hard enough and find something you’re passionate about, you’ll find a way to make money out of it. If you’re in college, whether or not you’re doing well, please do not think it will solve your problems. It’s a tough world out there. If you don’t love what you do, it will drive you crazy.

Treat college for what it is, a place to learn about yourself, not as the answer to your problems.

College is one basket. Don’t put all your EGGS in it.

 

Hold On To Your Emotions

People often say emotions are weak and crying is for girls. I beg to differ. If crying was for girls only, then guys won’t be born with tear ducts. Emotions are an important part of your existence. They help you express yourself when words can’t. The facial expression, the body language and every grunt used to convey how we feel is as important as the words we speak.

A common occurrence is to see women who have become successful become less emotional and more logical. This is mostly because the industry makes them ‘toughen up’. I think emotions are important. While talking about feelings might always be a girl thing, being completely emotionless is not a human thing. It’s what we build robots for. Even then, we still try to incorporate feelings into them.

Logic cannot solve every issue. On paper and in theory, it could but real life demands real people. People like when others can connect with them and share their pain. Rather than suppress emotions, it’s always better to express them. Whether good or bad, every emotion can be expressed safely or channeled into something more productive. It is often said that emotions were born out of a need to survive. It was like our bodies’ way of rewarding and punishing us for anything we do.

Emotions play other roles in our lives. They:

  • help motivate us when we feel down.
  • help us communicate with others.
  • help others understand us.
  • help us understand others.
  • help us in decision making

Understanding your emotions is a really big part of understanding who you are. It is better to understand the emotions you feel, the triggers and the best ways to handle them. In doing so, you embrace your whole self.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Add a touch of humanity to everything you do. You’ll be grateful for the results you’ll achieve. Be free. Express yourself in healthy ways. You’ll feel much lighter and you’ll be healthier.

 

 

Sunshine With A Little Hurricane

“How is the water in your belly?”, a voice boomed over my racing thoughts.

“What?”, I replied. Jolted back into reality I realized that I had become so agitated that I was lost in thought, trying to process my anger. There it is, Anger. The reason for everything that had happened. It was a familiar scene. A talk became raised voices, well, mine alone. My hand moving in quick motion as my mouth struggled to get all the words out of my head. I was angry, again.

I’m usually a very calm person. I dislike conflict and I stay away from it. I would never let you intimidate me or someone else, but I wouldn’t go stirring up trouble either. Lately, the case has been very different. Aside the usual PMS and irritation from the many things I’ve had to deal with, my temperament has been very unstable.

I’m like a walking hurricane, waiting for a chance to erupt. But why? I had to dig deep. I was holding in a lot of stuff. I was walking around with a lot of things on the back of my mind. I didn’t want to deal with them and I didn’t want to let go of them. It’s like having 50 tabs open on your browser. The RAM is full, processing is slow. Everything comes to a halt. I broke down.

Here’s what he said to me:

Imagine you can feel all your stress on your shoulders.

How much better would it be to just release that amount of energy and just let it fall off you? .

Breathe in. . .

As you pull in a deep breath, imagine your shoulders tighten and move up. . Now… breathe out. .

Feel your shoulders fall down freely, and release all the tension you have. . .

I learnt this little relaxation method to keep myself calm.

With practice everyday, It has gotten easier and easier. I just watch for the signs. When I feel anxious and I start to raise my voice. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anger issues. I’m just learning new ways to express myself even when I’m not in the best of moods.

The goal is to be able to say anything in a clean, calm voice. Kinda like that psychotic tone but cue down the psychotic. Ultimately, I’m trying to follow what God already commanded.

Phil 2:14-16 

Do everything without grumbling or arguing so that you may be blameless and pure…

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So I’m gonna ask you too. How do you deal with your anger? How is the water in your belly?